Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
