i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Randomize
