So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Houston, we have a blender
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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