Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
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