Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
