im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
