are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
