she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
PANTIES FOUND
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
