meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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