People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
