He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
