I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
false alarm, still single
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