haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I am one with the molecules
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
