I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
