Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
