i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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