you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
