I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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