Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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