I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
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