I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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