He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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