it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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