its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
