He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
