you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
