Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Randomize
