I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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