You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
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