i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
