remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
