Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I think I won the penis lottery.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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