I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
