Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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