Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
