If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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