Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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