well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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