I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
