I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
