Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
