he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
