Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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