thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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