I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
