Swine flu. Run for my life!
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
