I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
