My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
