I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
