I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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