don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
