dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
