I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
you made out with another girl for some wings
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
