dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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