i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
