I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
