So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
