then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
