Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
