: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
