He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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