did you get engaged???
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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