i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
