Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
