this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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