We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
