I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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